Wednesday, August 31, 2016

People come and people go but there is always a reason

During my last post I mentioned a man in my life. A wonderful sexy man who never fails to put a smile on my face. As we close up our "relationship" I know that he will always be special to me. Special because he made me feel beautiful inside and out. He made me want to be with someone again with out a safety net. He made me want to live and be loved. This is something I have not wanted in my life for years. I have made sure since J to pick safe men. The men I was choosing did not have the ability to hurt me because I wasn't investing in the relationships. So I am glad this wonderfully sexy man picked me to be his sexy princess. I will miss him when he leaves in a few weeks but I hope he knows he will always have a place in my heart. 


Sunday, March 27, 2016

2016 Updates

So a few months ago I posted my goals for 2016, so here is an update. First I kicked butt on the NCLEX. Then I know know I was looking at a Jeep but when I went to buy the sales guy no showed so I went to see my friends at the Ford dealership and got a 2016 Fusion and even though it is an "adult" car I love it. Oh I have been getting out more often and went to a spanking party and had a great time. Seeing old friends and making new ones. Plans are to attend another next weekend. Hopefully it will be with this great guy who is in my life right now. He was sick so he couldn't attend this last one with me but really seemed to enjoy the photos. So far it has been a great month and a half of smiles and fun. Plus the fact that he is super sexy and makes me day. Oh on the weight front I have lost 10lbs so far. Not quite were I want to be but I have been suffering with Strep, Sinus infections and viruses but I am starting to feel a lot better so I am hoping to get out and exercise more. Ok time to poof cause I have to get to bed. I will try to update again as soon as I can.



XXxxoooooxxXX,

 Betsy Page

"Always Infinity times Infinity"

Saturday, December 26, 2015

So much change in so little time

Tonight I am feeling mixed emotions, allow to explain. I gave my true and actual notice to my job today. My boss asked if I could finish out the month for her to complete her vacation and she would be good. After we finished talking I started to think about it and I realized how much of my life has changed in the 6 years I have worked for this company. When I started with them I was married to a man I didn't like very much and thought I would never be able to leave him due to money and our child but 5 months after starting I did leave with the help of coworkers helping to pick my stuff up out of the street where he threw my son and I's belongings. And within 10 months of working there I was able to start divorce proceedings that I had to pay for because he refused even though he had been living with someone the whole time we were separated. By my first year at the company we were divorced and I was amazed thinking in a year I had changed but I was wrong I had so much growing to do. The next year brought me some up and downs because I tried to help a friend and he took stuff from me and I had to rebuild my life yet again trust me rebuilding your life twice in a year and a half is not an easy task especially when you make barely above minimum wage and are supporting a special needs child but I did it. At the two and a half year mark I met a man who would change my life forever. He helped me build my confidence. He taught me what it felt like to be loved. He gave me all my fantasies and I will always love him for it. The most important lesson he taught me was my budget and paying off all the bills my ex had put on my credit. After the biggest heart break of my life I continued to work on my bills and by the 4 year mark I was completely debt free. I have to say it was what I thought at the time a freeing moment but I knew something in my life was still missing. I wanted more than what I had. So I started exploring my options. Isn't funny how you can run from destiny only so long before it catches up? What I mean is while in high school I was pre-accepted into a nursing school but I walked away because I didn't want to be my mom. So imagine my surprise when at my 5 year mark I was attending classes in nursing school. I went from full time to part time at my job and I wondered if I could even pay for school and our bills. The last year has been some crazy ups and downs while my stress level has been through the roof. I have missed my friends and my life. Most importantly I have missed spankings. On December 9th I walked the stage and got my first nursing degree. I say first because I am already thinking about the next nursing degree but this one is going to go a bit slower. Since graduation I have been working hard and studying for NCLEX so I have stayed with my job but first thing this morning I got the call I thought I would never get. I GOT A REAL JOB!! Part of me is super excited and part of me in nervous to start this new journey. A small part of me is sad because my job has sorta become my family over the last 6 years. We have shared so many ups and downs. We have also grown together and it is sad I won't see them every day anymore. I know my new job will be filled with lots of adventure and more growing. Hopefully now I can be with my kiddo more since the hours are so much better. My life has truly changed in ways I never would have expected in the last 6 years and I wonder what the next 6 years hold. This year is going to be a little about me though I am buying a new car and I will finally be able to get rid of the last item that tied me to my ex.

So personal goals for my next year...
Pass NCLEX first time
Get my pretty new JEEP
Pay off new student loan
Lose 80lbs
So wish me luck and I will keep you posted :)




XXxxoooooxxXX,
 Betsy Page
"Always Infinity times Infinity"

Friday, November 6, 2015

Home Stretch

Wow as usual time has flown by and I am now almost at the end of school... can we say excited and scared.

Let's where I am in life..... Oh ya, Pirate and I are at 2 years now of our "it's complicated" non-relationship open relationship. He has been there for me through a lot watching over me and supporting me till I find my Daddy. He will always have a special place in my world. Especially since he helped me pick up the pieces of my world when my heart was torn into pieces a few years ago. He has this wonderful way of popping into my life when I need him the most to make me feel special and cared for again.

In school, I have been working really hard this semester and so far have all A's in all my classes including MedSurg, the class I have feared all year. I have finished all my papers due till graduation and only have a few tests left to finish. Graduation is December 9th. I am super excited to get done and move on with my life.

On a personal note I got to go see Luke Bryan in concert at the Alamodome a few weeks ago. Made for a really fun night to get out and relax after a long year in school. I have tried to not go out a lot to focus on classes. I am ready to finally get back out to my life and see people again.

Ok time to get offline so that I can go back to work and try and make some money. I thought today I would leave you with a great song this time.




XXxxoooooxxXX,

Betsy Page

"Always Infinity times Infinity"

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Time to Fly

Sorry it has been a while since my last post but end of semesters gets crazy. Plus I was kicking butt with some big time grades. Then I got a week vacation to catch up on much needed sleep. This semester I met some great people. I learned the importance of compression socks and compression sleeves. I learned the importance of asking when you are in clinical and to not be afraid of the nurses you are working with. I think I learned what field I want to work when I graduate. I leaned the importance of friends but most importantly I learned about trusting myself more. I did this in school but more importantly with the person in my life. He may or may not be my future but at least I am more open in my thoughts and feeling. For the first time in forever I am not afraid to voice what I am thinking. I think sometimes he may actually like when I share because I give him other points to think on. We will see though.

So here I am about to start that final semester, the one that has me graduating in a little over 3 months or 53 more class/clinical days. These will be the hardest and the most intense because not only am I studying for the tests of these classes but I am studying for THE TEST... the one that says if this was all worth it. A test that costs $200 dollars each time to take it. The test that determines my fate so to speak. No I am not nervous at all cause I got this (she says while crying). Yes I know I have always been bad about stressing myself out and this semester will be the worst cause I panic if I make anything below an A and in MedSurg the class averages some where in the mid 70's for the last 6 years. This semester the goal is to try and stay calm and remind myself C=Nurse. To remind myself there is light at the end of the tunnel because it is SERIOUSLY only 53 days of class. This is the clinical semester I get to see the cool blood and guts stuff and to see what I am made of.

I called this post time to fly because on top of all the school work I will be dealing with I will be doing this completely alone with no family support other than kiddo. I will also have added responsibilities of 3 homes to care for. Plus an entire array of pets that belong to others. This added to class, homework, clinical, studying, work, house cleaning of my own and taking care of kiddo. If I do make it through I truly believe I will learn to fly.





XXxxoooooxxXX,

 Betsy Page

 "Always Infinity times Infinity"

Friday, July 24, 2015

Frustrations

Today I am going to vent about life in general and the things that have been frustrating me. School actually seems to be going great because I am on the final home stretch of this semester it ends in a month but all but one of my classes is complete. That class will be pretty easy. I am using this time to get ready for my final semester and taking my Boards. So thankfully school is only a small stressor at this time.

I do have one stressor that popped up a week and a half ago and of all the things I thought would be going on in my life this was probably the last thing I EVER thought I would be going through. Like a lot people in the world I have an EX spouse. We were married for 10 years and he is the father of my child. In the 2 years I have been writing this blog I haven't mentioned him because we don't talk. My ex is a narcissist and a mean drunk. He cheated on me almost the entire marriage. When I say our marriage ended badly lets just picture a bloody mess because I wanted to protect my child from his father. For the last 5 years of my life I have lived blissfully alone without him, only speaking on an average 4-5 times a year coincidentally the same number of times he managed to get it up and have sex with me during our marriage(low dig I know but wait for it). Anyways my ex has been living with his 20 years younger girlfriend and I guess she finally got sick of it all and threw him out a month ago. So a week and a half ago he started texting me under the guise of spending time with his child and flat out asking for booty calls. He acts like a past full of hateful words, abuse and drunken meanness is forgettable. Like I would be stupid enough to want to go back to that hell. Now my sister says tell him to F off but sadly I can't cause I need the idiot to sign a paper allowing me to leave the county at the end of the year and until I get that paper signed I have to stay in contact. I have to read his nasty booty call texts. It frustrates me because I want nothing to do with the man and can't wait for the day we move because I know he will be out of our lives for good. I know my kiddo needs a father but more importantly he needs a GOOD father not a drunken dead beat to treats women like dirt.

I have another small stressor as well and it is my job. I go to class and I have a wonderful week of learning and helping people. I feel like I am pushing myself into a better place. Then I show up to work and I feel like I am taking a step backwards. I work in a place where no one takes pride in what they do they are just there to get paid. It is hard to deal with that after doing something meaningful in class and clinical. I really hope I can hold out at my job till the middle of December. I Have been told the person who makes my job the hardest is about to leave and go to college but then what? Will it be move of the same or will someone actually care about their customers. I guess you never know how bad things are till you try to climb out of the hole.

I will say I am thankful for the people in my life my friends, family and blessed chosen family. I have a great support system that is there when I need people. You have seen me at my highs and you have seen me at my lows but you continue you to be there no matter what. I love that they put up with my "OMG I think I failed a test" texts and my "OMG I can't do this" texts. I love you guys so very much even the ones who don't like me to use the "L" word with them(wheel barrow spank me for it).



XXxxoooooxxXX,

 Betsy Page

 "Always Infinity times Infinity"

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Three Months That Flew By

I am sorry it has been three months since I last wrote but school got busy fast at the first of this semester but I am working on almost all A's the semester and I am a bit proud of myself. So far this semester I have completed Geriatrics, Fundamentals of Medicine Admin, Maternity, and Normal Growth and Development. I still have left to complete Pharmacology and Pediatrics in the next 30 days but at least it is slowing down till my last semester starts in September. I am still scared about Med-Surg next semester but I have a little less fear now that I see all that I have done in such a short period of time.

I also am working on future plans after graduation in December. Where do I want to work and live for a huge example. I found out last week my mother who owns my home is leaving town and may sell the property. I have seriously considered moving to other Texas towns and due to a new situation in my life Sugar Land has come up in my thoughts but I worry because I have never been completely on my own. I have never lived without a safety net. The idea of living in a town by myself with my kiddo freaks me out. So I maybe coming to a town near you. :)

I have also been getting to know someone. We have a lot of stuff in common and he is a really sweet guy. We determined early on that we were going to take our time and see where this goes. See if a relationship is in our cards and living 5 hours apart seriously lends to getting to know one another slowly. We are both a bit old fashioned in our relationship views and of course spankos looking for a Domestic Discipline Relationship. So far I really can see him as my possible forever Daddy if things work out but I don't want to be hurt again but I feel him pulling down walls as I open up to him. We share so much at times it scares me because communication is not a strong suit of mine. I learned early in life if you keep your personal feelings and hurt locked up eventually you get over them. What I didn't know is it also can leave a big hole of darkness and fear too. So if nothing else I will always be grateful he taught me to be open. I just hope I make him smile half as much as his emails make me smile.

Also today an old fear resurfaced in an instant when I received an email. A stupid email that I should be grateful he thought enough about me and our building relationship to be completely honest about a POSSIBLE new situation in his life but it triggered me hard as I sat here at work and the panic attack set in. The fear of not being good enough, abandonment or being a place sitter till someone better came along hit me like a truck. It is amazing how stupid stuff that happened in your childhood can be the scariest thing as an adult. I was mentally back as a child watching my bio dad walk away to his new life without me. Thankfully I was able to ask those questions that scare me most you know the questions that you always don't ask unless you're really willing to hear the answers. Thankfully I did ask and we were able to talk and I am feeling better. Fears of abandonment will always be there in the back of my mind no matter what or who I am with. Thankfully I am learning to share those fears and communicate.

This is all for now and I will post again before the end of the month sorry for falling behind






XXxxoooooxxXX,

 Betsy Page

 "Always Infinity times Infinity"